Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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