everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
