im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
bring money and cleavage
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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