Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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