wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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