im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
