Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
