Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
