i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
