so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
