Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
