How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
even my farts smell like vagina
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
