Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
