haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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