she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
