bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are we still banned from the library?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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