I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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