please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
