Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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