i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
