strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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