I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
