I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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