No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
