oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
