The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
