I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
