You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
