I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
