forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
