cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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