So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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