fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think my mom watched the whole time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
