Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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