I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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