he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
