i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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