I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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