based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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