I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
