we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
