I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
