I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
