I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
