wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
