i think i have two assholes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
