If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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