Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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