I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
