ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There are leaves in my underwear?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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