FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
